TRUE COLLABORATION SERIES: A Pedantic Romatic (Working Title) Contemporary Singer/Songwriter

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Possible lyrics


By Brian Kerr
2yr+4mo ago

Hey MoodyMo,

I've been trying an experiment in writing lyrics to someone else's music, and have been a complete failure... the lyrics I came up with didn't fit the music I was writing them for at all.  I have to admit I seem to bring out my darker side when I write, and I'm not sure why, since I'm a pretty happy and positive guy.  So a few minutes ago, I was clicking around looking for inspiration, and something about the mood of the melody sort of made me think of the lyrics I had just posted on my page, "The Last Stop".  

Maybe you will think it's completely off the topic of your melody, and that's fine with me.  I just love that other people can hear music to my lyrics sometimes, so I thought I'd throw this one out to you.  

The Last Stop

I’ve got my face pressed against the window

Of this take me to nowhere train

Tryin’ to hide my pain

We move along at a crawl, got nowhere left I can fall

And on top of it all

Now it’s starting to look like rain

 

Don’t tell me you know how I feel

Don’t tell me with time this will heal

That this was part of God’s plan or that tomorrow it won’t seem so real

Don’t tell me I’m still young, can still have another one

He chose to live, I chose to leave, he chose to stay, I chose to run

 

I bought a ticket to the last stop ‘cause that’s what it’ll be

Just need a bottle’a tequila and a good pharmacy

I’ll close my eyes ‘cause that’s when she comes to me

When I get off this stinking, filthy God-forsaken train

I’ll find a quiet room, a water glass and put an end to all of this pain

 

At the stop before my destination

A little boy waits in anticipation

I see his shining face, the warm embrace

As his mother wraps him in her arms

I want to scream out loud, into the bustling crowd

How did you keep him from harm???

 

 

 

 

I’ve got my face pressed against the window

Of this take me to nowhere train

Tryin’ to hide my pain

We move along at a crawl, got nowhere left I can fall,

And on top of it all

Now it’s starting to look like rain

 

Then out of nowhere he catches my eye

He seems to understand, the thing that I have planned

And all at once both of us start to cry

For some reason, I can’t quite explain

I get up and walk off that nowhere-bound train

One stop before, there wouldn’t’ve been any more

And I’m starting my life again

 

There’d been so many tears, over so many years

 

They were starting to look like rain


Comments

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MoodyMo   commented 2yr+4mo ago


You are welcome to sing to it. I look forward to hearing it. Cheers!

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Brianlclo   commented 2yr+4mo ago


Since I turned twelve I lost my singing voice, so I'll leave that to the people who can. I pride myself on "usually" staying very true to the meter of the lyrics, with the same number of syllables and the accents on the same parts of the stanza, but this one I let go all over the place, so I know it'll take some wrestling and editing to fit a specific pattern. I am more than willing to rewrite if there's interest in the story. For me it's mostly about telling a story, and less about perfect structure, and that's why I'm new at this -- well new at having people who can put my lyrics to music, anyway. I've been writing for nearly fifty years, now, so new is sort of an ironic word to use.

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Loob   commented 2yr+4mo ago


It helps me to have a melody in mind when I write lyrics. Mostly because of the syllables and flow. Why would you call the above "complete failure"?

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Brianlclo   commented 2yr+4mo ago


I know what you mean, and I usually have a handle on where the accents will fall and the structure is normally very strict with length and number of syllables per line, etc. This one sort of fell off of my own wagon, so I know there's editing necessary, and maybe a complete rewrite. I just felt the need to get this story down, and frankly I struggled with it much more than usual, because I was outside of my own comfort zone, trying to write lyrics for an existing tune, which I've never tried before, and that's why I say it was a failure, because my lyrics didn't match with the melody at all, and probably not the intended mood of the song, either. If you look at these lyrics, and some of my others, you'll see there's a big difference in structure. I've been listening to a lot more music than is normal for me lately, and notice that I think I try to hard on the structure sometimes.