Wonderland Metal

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Wonderland - Building Vocals - JennyK Uploaded 11 days ago by JennyK



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JennyK   commented 9 days ago


YO. I guess I'd call this full length idea sans bridge. These lyrics... probably needs some tweaking. I'm not totally feeling it in parts. and the final verse melody... it's a bit Meh to me. But essentially, I personally thingk it's getting close to something. :D I don't know what kind of something, but it's a shitload of fun to sing. And that's never a bad thing. About the bridge. Nothing really comes to me. I'm wondering if a horror theme Cthulhu type introspective (spoken) word could do it. maybe not by me? Just a thought. :D And I need extra credit for taking five minutes to memorize how to spell Cthulhu. :D

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sriracha   commented 9 days ago


I like so much of what is going on here. The lyrics are great - my only comment is there needs to be a little space between sections to let transitions breath - but that's just my $.02, so... :D

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rhythmicdevil   commented 8 days ago


This is killer Jenny its really starting to take shape. Over all I think I agree with Bill, a little more space would be cool. I agree with you about the 3rd verse its not quite there yet. All that said, holy shit this is awesome. I love the chorus, the imagery is great. "Touch down event horizon" is a line I particularly love. The melody really works for me too. I like the idea of the spoken word thing about Cthulhu. Maybe a sample from a movie. I know they made a bunch of movies in the 70's like Dunwich Horror, I will see what I can find. The lyrics are making this thing take a new shape which I like. I always imagine the old gods as ponderous beings of relentless unstoppable motion, but twisted enough to drive you mad. I think that the guitar riffs kind of make me feel that now. Hows that for some post rationalization :) I think we could even rename the song to something more evocative from the lyrics. What do you guys think? I hear you say wonderland at pivotal points, but I figured I'd throw it out renaming as an option.

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JennyK   commented 8 days ago


Ooh, things to consider. Yeah, the space thing. I've played around with that some and do hae another idea I've tried. It may work. I'm off for the eve now so I'll have to pick it up tomorrow. But hell, thanks so much. I'm glad you like. Well, name. yeah, maybe so. I do like the Wonderland as the universe's playground thing and that's what I latched on to . But it might not have the right punch, not quite the existential dread that may be a big part of this. nothing comes to mind atm. and the spoken. Well, there might be a voice here that might be perfect, I've heard some scary weird stuff from it. ;) :D. and I can write something weird. Samples could work too, if there's something that works. I'm just always a bit wary of all the copyright bs around that stuff. But that's just me , maybe. I dunno. I think that in any case, I'm out of the bridge D and I don't mind one bit.

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rhythmicdevil   commented 8 days ago


I think you might be right about sampling. I screwed myself on Marching Slowly Onward by using a recording of Sir Stephen Hawking and now I am pretty sure I cant release it. I listened to it a few times on the way to work this morning. The second verse and chorus are really doing it for me. The phrasing and melody work perfectly. The whole thing is really sticking in my head too, I woke up with the vocals going around in my brain.

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rhythmicdevil   commented 8 days ago


Is the song image a little to on the nose?

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sriracha   commented 8 days ago


:D

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JennyK   commented 8 days ago


LOL. Perfect. (Bill did describe it to me as I can't see it myself, and he thought it was very cuddly looking. ;) :D) Heh, seriously, perfect! :D Got a slightly different version to run by you. I opened it up some. and the final verse got a going over because I simply didn't like it. I'll get that up in a few. And sure, samples are the devil. We decided to not use some stuff for Icarus Machine even if it was more than perfect for the song. Sigh. But it's not worth the grief I think.