3 people like this:
In terms of what is missing it really depends on what you are targeting: radio, film, advertisement and on which stage of development you're asking for. As a final production there is some way to go in terms of mixing and mastering which I'm guessing that you know already.
The song is interesting and has a recognizable sound and feel in terms of composition so it makes a good starting point for future development. I suggest the following if you are targeting radio:
Find a singer with a mellow voice and lyrics that fit the mood of the song.
Aim for an organic sound by replacing those synthesized voices with real ones, it's a good vocal arrangement you've made. By keeping that plucky synth you maintain a bit of that wonky sound. I would probably tweak it a bit so that it sounds even more apart from the rest of the instruments. This is your interest/contrast instrument.
Replace that synth guitar playing those alternate fourths by a real acoustic.
You might already have a listener base which demands alternate arrangements but if you are aiming for a more commercial success then I would rethink the structure a bit: keep the intro and the first couple of rounds of the verse + verse variation leading up to the B section but shorten the B section and return to the verse. Keep that fade out section you currently have. Fade outs can have different purposes and with this long type of fade out one gets the feeling that the band came floating by, followed you for a while and then turned direction and floated away again.
For a commercial song it's important to establish a theme but you make that difficult by having such a long B section.
I would sprinkle some instruments and/or effects in as the song progresses to keep interest. This could be: a slow 8th node delay on the snare which slowly pans from left to right or a crescendoing pad coupled with a notch filter.
The mix could use some high end but I suggest to add an instrument with a bit more high end on it rather than to increase the high end on the existing tracks too much.
It could be interesting to slam the drums during the B-section using heavy compression and distortion.
Wow... some feedback here! Gonna chew on it. Thanks KJ!